I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
