I will die if light touches me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
