I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
