were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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