i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You need a sexual gate keeper
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
