You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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