Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
