grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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