Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
