I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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