Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
