That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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