Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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