bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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