Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
