I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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