After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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