Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I seem to have left my pride at pride
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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