Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
