The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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