Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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