dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
