I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
