I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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