I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Soap is not a condiment
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
