This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
40s are totally the cure
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
