He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it's like heaven, but drunker
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
