He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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