I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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