I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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