please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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