We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
