Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Pooping to opera.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
