i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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