We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
