i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
