The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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