I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
