I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
foreskin is a definite game changer
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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