i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize