and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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