Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
