I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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