Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
