If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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