I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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