Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
