normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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