Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
