Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
