I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
