so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
