I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
