I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize