we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
