Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
