You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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