i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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