I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
