I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
