We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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