I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
