so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
