Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize