She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
