It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
