I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
