Your mouth is God's brothel.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
