I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
