At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
