also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
