In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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