yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
