before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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