dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
