She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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