The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
