i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
