based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
