I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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