I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
