brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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