I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
