giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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