So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
