I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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