***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
