i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
