If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
try to milk me bitch
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