there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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