Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
