I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
