this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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