May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
