There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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