i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
