just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have post one night stand depression
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