You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
