I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
