Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
