hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize