and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
