I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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