Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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