Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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