If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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