oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
