I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
is that a dick in a sweater?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
