I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
