Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
