Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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