the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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