She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
