There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
